Alan Kleymeyer

Got this through email.  Would love to give proper attribution if anyone knows what the source is.

What would you do ?

You make the choice Don’t look for a punch line. There isn’t one. Read
it anyway.

My question to all of you is: Would you have made the same choice?

At a fundraising dinner for a school that serves learning disabled
children, the father of one of the students delivered a speech that would never be forgotten by all who attended.

After extolling the school and its dedicated staff, he offered a
question.

"When not interfered with by outside influences, everything nature does
is done with perfection. Yet my son, Shay, cannot learn things as other children do. He cannot understand things as other children do. Where is
the natural order of things in my son?"

The audience was stilled by the query.

The father continued. "I believe, that when a child like Shay comes
into the world, an opportunity to realize true human nature presents itself, and
it comes, in the way other people treat that child."

Then he told the following story: Shay and his father had walked past a
park where some boys Shay knew were playing baseball.

Shay asked, "Do you think they’ll let me play?"

Shay’s father knew that most of the boys would not want someone like
Shay on their team, but the father also understood that if his son were allowed
to play, it would give him a much-needed sense of belonging. Shay’s father approached one of the boys on the field and asked if Shay could play.

The boy looked around for guidance and, getting none, he took matters
into his own hands and said, "We’re losing by six runs and the game is in the eighth inning.. I guess he can be on our team and we’ll try to put him
in to bat in the ninth inning."

In the bottom of the eighth inning, Shay’s team scored a few runs but
was still behind by three.

In the top of the ninth inning, Shay put on a glove and played in the outfield.

Even though no hits came his way, he was obviously ecstatic just to be
in the game and on the field, grinning from ear to ear as his father waved
to him from the stands.

In the bottom of the ninth inning, Shay’s team scored again. Now, with
two outs and the bases loaded, the potential winning run was on base and
Shay was scheduled to be next at bat.

At this juncture, let Shay bat and give away their chance to win the
game?

Surprisingly, Shay was given the bat. Everyone knew that a hit was all
but impossible ’cause Shay didn’t even know how to hold the bat properly,
much less connect with the ball.

However, as Shay stepped up to the plate, the pitcher moved in a few
steps to lob the ball in softly so Shay could at least be able to make
contact.

The first pitch came and Shay swung clumsily and missed. The pitcher
again took a few steps forward to toss the ball softly towards Shay.

As the pitch came in, Shay swung at the ball and hit a slow ground ball right back to the pitcher.

The pitcher picked up the soft grounder and could have easily thrown the ball to the first baseman. Shay would have been out and that would have
been the end of the game.

Instead, the pitcher took the ball and turned and threw the ball on a
high arc to right field, far beyond the reach of the first baseman.

Everyone started yelling, "Shay, run to first! Run to first!"

Never in his life had Shay ever made it to first base. He scampered
down the baseline, wide-eyed and startled.

Everyone yelled, "Run to second, run to second!"

By the time Shay rounded first base, the right fielder had the ball.

He could have thrown the ball to the second-baseman for the tag, but he understood the pitcher’s intentions and intentionally threw the ball
high and far over the third-baseman’s head.

Shay ran toward second base as the runners ahead of him deliriously
circled the bases toward home.

Shay reached second base, the opposing shortstop ran to him, turned him
in the direction of third base, and shouted, "Run to third!"

As Shay rounded third, the boys from both teams were screaming, "Shay,
run home!"

Shay ran to home, stepped on the plate, and was cheered as the hero who
hit the "grand slam" and won the game for his team.

"That day," said the father softly with tears now rolling down his
face,  the boys from both teams helped bring a piece of true love and humanity
into this world."

Judge #3 was an inexperienced Chili taster named Frank, who was visiting from Springfield, IL

Frank: "Recently, I was honored to be selected as a judge at a chili cook-off. The original person called in sick at the last moment and I happened to be standing there at the judge’s table asking for directions to the Coors Light truck, when the call came in. I was assured by the other two judges (Native Texans) that the chili wouldn’t be all that spicy and, besides, they told me I could have free beer during the tasting, so I accepted".

Here are the scorecard notes from the event:

CHILI # 1 – MIKE’S MANIAC MONSTER CHILI…

Judge # 1 — A little too heavy on the tomato. Amusing kick.

Judge # 2 — Nice, smooth tomato flavor. Very mild.

Judge # 3 (Frank) — Holy sh**, what the he** is this stuff? You could remove dried paint from your driveway! Took me two beers to put the flames out. I hope that’s the worst one. These Texans are crazy.

CHILI # 2 – AUSTIN ‘S AFTERBURNER CHILI…

Judge # 1 — Smoky, with a hint of pork. Slight jalapeno tang.

Judge # 2 — Exciting BBQ flavor, needs more peppers to be taken seriously.

Judge # 3 — Keep this out of the reach of children. I’m not sure what I’m supposed to taste besides pain. I had to wave off two people who wanted to give me the Heimlich maneuver. They had to rush in more beer when they saw the look on my face.

CHILI # 3 – FRED’S FAMOUS BURN DOWN THE BARN CHILI…

Judge # 1 — Excellent firehouse chili Great kick.

Judge # 2 — A bit salty, good use of peppers.

Judge # 3 — Call the EPA. I’ve located a uranium spill. My nose feels like I have been snorting Drano. Everyone knows the routine by now. Get me more beer before I ignite. Barmaid pounded me on the back, now my backbone is in the front part of my chest. I’m getting sh**-faced from all of the beer.

CHILI # 4 – BUBBA’S BLACK MAGIC…

Judge # 1 — Black bean chili with almost no spice. Disappointing.

Judge # 2 — Hint of lime in the black beans. Good side dish for fish or other mild foods, not much of a chili.

Judge # 3 — I felt something scraping across my tongue, but was unable to taste it. Is it possible to burn out taste buds? Sally, the beer maid, was standing behind me with fresh refills. That 300-LB woman is starting to look HOT…just like this nuclear waste I’m eating! Is chili an aphrodisiac?

CHILI # 5 LISA’S LEGAL LIP REMOVER…

Judge # 1 — Meaty, strong chili. Cayenne peppers freshly ground, adding considerable kick. Very impressive.

Judge # 2 — Chili using shredded beef, could use more tomato. Must admit the cayenne peppers make a strong statement.

Judge # 3 — My ears are ringing, sweat is pouring off my forehead and I can no longer focus my eyes. I farted and four people behind me needed paramedics. The contestant seemed offended when I told her that her chili had given me brain damage. Sally saved my tongue from bleeding by pouring beer directly on it from the pitcher. I wonder if I’m burning my lips off. It really pi**es me off that the other judges asked me to stop screaming. "Screw those rednecks!"

CHILI # 6 – VERA’S VERY VEGETARIAN VARIETY…

Judge # 1 — Thin yet bold vegetarian variety chili. Good balance of spices and peppers.

Judge # 2 — The best yet. Aggressive use of peppers, onions, and garlic. Superb.

Judge # 3 — My intestines are now a straight pipe filled with gaseous, sulfuric flames. I S… on myself when I farted and I’m worried it will eat through the chair. No one seems inclined to stand behind me except that Sally. Can’t feel my lips anymore. I need to wipe my a** with a snow cone.

CHILI # 7 – SUSAN’S SCREAMING SENSATION CHILI…

Judge # 1 — A mediocre chili with too much reliance on canned peppers.

Judge # 2 — Ho hum, tastes as if the chef literally threw in a can of chili peppers at the last moment. I should take note that I am worried about Judge # 3. He appears to be in a bit of distress as he is cursing uncontrollably.

Judge # 3 — You could put a grenade in my mouth, pull the pin, and I wouldn’t feel a thing. I’ve lost sight in one eye, and the world sounds like it is made of rushing water. My shirt is covered with chili, which slid unnoticed out of my mouth. My pants are full of lava to match my shirt. At least during the autopsy, they’ll know what killed me. I’ve decided to stop breathing it’s too painful. Screw it; I’m not getting any oxygen anyway. If I need air, I’ll just suck it in through the 4-inch hole in my stomach.

CHILI # 8 – BIG TOM’S TOENAIL CURLING CHILI…

Judge # 1 — The perfect ending, this is a nice blend chili. Not too bold but spicy enough to declare its existence.

Judge # 2 — This final entry is a good, balanced chili. Neither mild nor hot. Sorry to see that most of it was lost when Judge #3 farted, passed out, fell over and pulled the chili pot down on top of himself. Not sure if he’s going to make it. Poor feller, wonder how he’d have reacted to really hot chili?

Judge # 3 – No Report