? My hair had a party last night ?

Either there is a bird in Austin that managed to swallow a tube of toothpaste, or a managed to leave for work this morning with a glob of toothpaste on my head. I don’t know why I happened to be touching the back top of my head but I was lucky to discover it and wipe it off early this morning before a coworker endured the conflict of staring at it and having to decide whether to tell me or not, and exactly what to say, “Excuse me, you have something bird-poopish on the back of your head”.

How in the world could I have gotten it? I don’t remember giving any rabid-looking but minty-smelling kid a shoulder ride. Don’t remember fumbling with my toothbrush and having it hit my head this morning. I don’t think David’s top-bunk had toothpaste I slept in that didn’t come out in the shower (what am I doing sleeping on the top bunk? Don’t ask). I guess it will remain a mystery stored in the annals of fatherhood. At least it wasn’t that new Green Hulk brandless toothpaste Jane let Kristen pick out. Hey, everything has a silver lining.

“What Classic Movie Are You?”

Isn’t that interesting?  I don’t know if I can argue too much:

What Classic Movie Are You?

Can I speak to the manager

A very attractive lady goes up to a bar in a rural pub. She gestures alluringly to the bartender. When he arrives, she seductively signals that he should bring his face closer to hers. When he does she begins to caress his beard.

“Are you the manager?” she asks, softly stroking his face
with both hands. “Actually, no,” the man replies. “Can you get him for me? I need to speak to him,” she says, running her hands beyond his
beard and into his hair. “I’m afraid I can’t,” breathes the bartender.

“Is there anything I can do?” “Yes, there is. I need you to give him a message,” she continues, running her forefinger across the bartender’s lips and slyly popping a couple of her fingers into his mouth and allowing him to suck them gently.

“What should I tell him?” the bartender finally manages to say.

“Tell him,” she whispers, “there is no toilet paper, hand soap, or paper towels in the ladies room.”

My hands are covering my eyes so you can’t see me!

can you guys see what I type?
no, raize
How do I set it up so you can see it?
[via bash.org]

Give it back!

lol
I download something from Napster
And the same guy I downloaded it from starts downloading it from me when I’m done
I message him and say “What are you doing? I just got that from you”
“getting my song back f****er”
[via bash.org]

You owe me 33 cents

Creative way to combat junk mail

10010110

(morganj): 0 is false and 1 is true, correct?
(alec_eso): 1, morganj
(morganj): bastard.

Everyone has their price

LITTLETON, Colo. – Colorado officials plan to try a 15-year-old boy as an adult for allegedly offering a Sony PlayStation to have his aunt killed.
is it modded?
[via slash.org]

Long distance surfing

docsigma2000: jesus christ man
docsigma2000: my son is sooooooo dead
c8info: Why?
docsigma2000: hes been looking at internet web sites in f****ing EUROPE
docsigma2000: HE IS SURFING LONG DISTANCE
docsigma2000: our f***ing phone bill is gonna be nuts
c8info: Ooh, this is bad. Surfing long distance adds an extra $69.99 to your bill per hour.
docsigma2000: …!!!!!! F*** F*** F***
docsigma2000: is there some plan we can sign up for???
docsigma2000: cuz theres some cool stuff in europe, but i dun wanna pauy that much
c8info: Sorry, no. There is no plan. you’ll have to live with it.
docsigma2000: o well, i ccan live without europe intenet sites.
docsigma2000: but till i figure out how to block it hes sooooo dead
c8info: By the way, I’m from Europe, your chatting long distance.
** docsigma2000 has quit (Connection reset by peer)
[via bash.org]

Opportunity

Opportunity is missed by most people because it is dressed in overalls, and looks like work. – Thomas A. Edison [via Rebecca's Pocket]