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Funny quotes on marriage

Funny quotes on marriage

[Copied from Maryam’s Blog]

Marriage is a three-ring circus: ?   Engagement ring, wedding ring, and suffering.
~~~~~~~~
For Sale: ?   Wedding dress, size 8. ?   Worn once by mistake. ?   
~~~~~~~~
There are two times when a man doesn’t understand a woman: ?   Before marriage and after marriage.
~~~~~~~
My husband and I divorced over religious differences. ?   He thought he was God, and I didn’t.
~~~~~~~
I dialed a number and got the following recording: 
"I
am not available right now, but thank you for caring enough to call. I
am making some changes in my life. Please leave a message after the
beep. If I do not return your call, you are one of the changes."
~~~~~
My wife and I had words, but I didn’t get to use mine.
~~~~~
God made man before woman so as to give him time to think of an answer for her first question.

College kids are lazy and uninformed

College kids are lazy and uninformed

"Senator Hillary Clinton is being criticized because she recently called today’s college kids lazy and uninformed.  A spokesman for college kids said: ‘Whatever, lady from TV."

– Conan O’Brian

HDTV

HDTV

I’m usually a little late to the game.  I was with my new XBOX and DVR. I don’t have HDTV.  I’d like it, just haven’t been motivated to research it.  Robert offers a reason to stay away from HDTV, though posted I’m sure tongue-in-cheek, I’m using it as an excuse to wait a little longer.  After all, I recently canceled my cable.  Still, all those Netflix movies we get…

I threw rocks down the garbage disposal

I threw rocks down the garbage disposal

If you leave Dad alone, you have to expect a few mishaps.  The kitchen is Mom’s domain.  If I try to cook, I quickly become frustrated because I can’t find stuff.  I usually stick with leftovers and frozen dinners when I’m left alone like I was this week during spring break.   I also try to keep the kitchen tidy and cleanup as I go.  There is also invariably at least one booby trap I have to negotiate when I’m left alone in the house and linger too long in places (like the kitchen).  It’s like the old Peter Sellers Pink Panther movies when he comes home and Cato is hiding somewhere ready to pounce on Clouseau. 

The other night as I was leaving the kitchen I saw a cup, actually, a sippy-cup with no lid, so I quickly picked it up and dumped the contents into the sink.   Thanks Cassidy.  Who thinks to check for rocks at the bottom of a cup filled with water in the kitchen?  If you have kids, you should. I guess.

BTW, my disposal doesnt’ work. Big surprise huh?  The rocks were all flat and small, like wood chips.  I thought I was clever using a piece of bread, balled up to retrieve pieces I couldn’t get with my hand. But I can feel one stubborn rock stuck on the side preventing the disposal from spinning.

Venting about XBOX

Venting about XBOX

Whew!  Asking to speak to a supervisor can often be the beginning of a stressfull conversation.  Fortunately tonight turned out well.

I got an email from XBOX Live today. It began:

Dear Customer,

Your subscription to Yearly subscription to Xbox Live is
scheduled to be automatically renewed on Friday, April 14, 2006…
For this subscription you will be charged
$49.99 per year, plus applicable taxes. Unless you cancel your subscription
before it ends, you will automatically renew to the currently selected renewal
subscription type at the then current price…

I bought my XBOX, Christmas of 2004.  I signed up for a free trial to XBOX Live but canceled it at the end of the trial.  Don’t you hate it when a credit card is required to get something "Free"?  They don’t charge you but they just put the onus on you to cancel and if you forget, you know what happens.   You don’t want to give them your credit card number but if it’s something you really want to try, you don’t have a choice so you take a chance and give them your number.  You know how excited you are when you first get your XBOX, of course you want to check out the online service.

Okay, so someone screwed up at XBOX Live.  When I called this evening they had a record that my account was viewed the day before the 1-year subscription started, but no record of a cancellation.  I never thought about it again until I received the email today.  So I called. They don’t let you cancel through the web or email.

The person I spoke to was pleasant and said upfront she wouldn’t be able to refund my $50 when I asked but that she could go ahead and cancel the subscription (again) and put me through to a supervisor afterward.  OK.  After canceling, again she was very up front and told me I may have to wait but that she would be on hold with me and would check back in 5 minutes.

Well I only held for about 2 minutes and when she came back on she said "Good news. I’ve been authorized to refund you your money."  Sweet. 

I really didn’t want to be upset at Microsoft.  I still have an XBOX 360 to buy and the new XBOX Live service to try.  The main reason I’m not an XBOX subscribe is that David is only 7 and he doesn’t need more reason to play the XBOX more than he already does.  I hear great things about the new service, the free downloads the game matching system and now there isn’t a bad experience with XBOX Live to give me pause about trying the service again one day.

Way to go Microsoft.  I still think it’s cheesy that you require a credit card for a trial but the fact you send out an email prior to "automatically" renewing the service shows you’re not too evil and do care about your customers.

Differences between Christmas and Hannukah

Differences between Christmas and Hannukah

Richard posts a humorous comparision of Christmas and Hannukah. Here is a copy of what he posted:

There are many misconceptions about the differences between Christmas and Chanukah. This should clear them up!

1. Christmas is one day, same day, every year: December 25th. Jews also love December 25th. It’s another paid day off work. We go to the movies and out for Chinese food.

2. Chanukah is eight days. It starts the evening of the 24th of Kislev, whenever that is. No one is ever sure. Jews never know until a non-Jew asks when Chanukah starts, forcing us to consult a calendar so we don’t look like idiots. We all have the same calendar, provided free with a donation from the World Jewish Congress, the kosher butcher, or the local Jewish funeral home.

3. Christmas is a major holiday. Chanukah is a minor holiday with the same theme as most Jewish holidays. They tried to kill us. We survived. Let’s eat.

4. Christians get wonderful presents such as jewelry, perfume, stereos. Jews get practical presents such as underwear or socks.

5. There is only one way to spell Christmas or Xmas. No one can decide how to spell Chanukah, Chanukkah, Chanukka, Channukah, Hanukah, Hannukah, etc.

6. Christmas carols are beautiful: Silent Night, Come All Ye Faithful, etc. Chanukah songs are about dreidels made from clay or having a party and dancing the horah. Of course, we are secretly pleased that many of the beautiful carols were composed and written by Jews. And don’t Barbara Streisand and Neil Diamond sing them beautifully.

7. A home preparing for Christmas smells wonderful. The sweet smell of cookies and cakes baking. Happy people gather around in festive moods. A home preparing for Chanukah smells of oil, potatoes, and onions. The home, as always, is full of loud people all talking at once.

8. Women have fun baking Christmas cookies. Jewish women burn their eyes and cut their hands grating potatoes and onions for latkes.

9. Parents can’t wait to deliver presents to their children on Christmas. Jewish parents have no qualms about withholding a gift on any of the eight nights.

10. The players in the Christmas story have easy to pronounce names such as Mary, Joseph, and Jesus. The players in the Chanukah story are Antiochus, Judah Maccabee, and Matta whatever. No one can spell it or pronounce it. On the plus side, we can tell our gentile friends anything and they believe we are wonderfully versed in our history.

Reminds me of a Jewish joke I heard recently. A Jewish boy comes home to tell his mother he got a part in the school play. They were both excited. Then she asks him what part he got and he replied "I’m the Jewish husband", at which time she exclaimed "You go back and tell your teacher you want a speaking part!".