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  • Application for permission to date my daughter

    Posted on April 2nd, 2008 Alan No comments
    APPLICATION FOR PERMISSION TO DATE MY DAUGHTER
    
    NOTE: This application will be incomplete and rejected unless
    accompanied by a complete financial statement, job history, lineage,
    and current medical report from your doctor.
    
    NAME_____________________________________  DATE OF BIRTH_____________
    
    HEIGHT___________  WEIGHT____________  IQ__________  GPA_____________
    
    SOCIAL SECURITY #_________________  DRIVERS LICENSE #________________
    
    BOY SCOUT RANK AND BADGES____________________________________________
    
    HOME ADDRESS_______________________  CITY/STATE___________  ZIP______
    
    Do you have parents?               ___Yes  ___No
    Is one male and the other female?  ___Yes  ___No
    If No, explain:
           ______________________________________________________________
    
    Number of years they have been married ______________________________
    
    If less than your age, explain
           ______________________________________________________________
    
           ______________________________________________________________
    
    ACCESSORIES SECTION:
    
    A. Do you own or have access to a van?              __Yes  __No
    
    B. A truck with oversized tires?                    __Yes  __No
    
    C. A waterbed?                                      __Yes  __No
    
    D. A pickup with a mattress in the back?            __Yes  __No
    
    E. A tattoo?                                        __Yes  __No
    
    F. Do you have an earring, nose ring,               __Yes  __No
       pierced tongue, pierced cheek or a belly button ring?
    
    (IF YOU ANSWERED "YES" TO ANY OF THE ABOVE, DISCONTINUE APPLICATION
    AND LEAVE PREMISES IMMEDIATELY.  I SUGGEST RUNNING.)
    
    ESSAY SECTION: 
    
    In 50 words or less, what does "LATE" mean to you?
    
           ______________________________________________________________
    
           ______________________________________________________________
    
    In 50 words or less, what does "DON'T TOUCH MY DAUGHTER" mean to you?
    
           ______________________________________________________________
    
           ______________________________________________________________
    
    In 50 words or less, what does "ABSTINENCE" mean to you?
    
           ______________________________________________________________
    
           ______________________________________________________________
    
    REFERENCES SECTION:
    
    Church you attend ___________________________________________________
    
    How often you attend ________________________________________________
    
    When would be the best time to interview your:
    
           father? _____________
    
           mother? _____________
    
           pastor? _____________
    
    SHORT-ANSWER SECTION: 
    
    Answer by filling in the blank.  Please answer freely, all answers
    are confidential.
    
    A: If I were shot, the last place I would want shot would be:
    
           ______________________________________________________________
    
    B: If I were beaten, the last bone I would want broken is my:
    
           ______________________________________________________________
    
    C: A woman's place is in the:
    
           ______________________________________________________________
    
    D: The one thing I hope this application does not ask me about is:
    
           ______________________________________________________________
    
    E. What do you want to do IF you grow up? ___________________________
    
           ______________________________________________________________
    
           ______________________________________________________________
    
    F. When I meet a girl, the thing I always notice about her first is:
    
           ______________________________________________________________
    
    F. What is the current going rate of a hotel room? __________________
    
    I SWEAR THAT ALL INFORMATION SUPPLIED ABOVE IS TRUE AND CORRECT TO
    THE BEST OF MY KNOWLEDGE UNDER PENALTY OF DEATH, DISMEMBERMENT,
    NATIVE AMERICAN ANT TORTURE, CRUCIFIXION, ELECTROCUTION, CHINESE
    WATER TORTURE, RED HOT POKERS, AND HILLARY CLINTON KISS TORTURE.
    
    _________________________________________________________
    Applicant's Signature (that means sign your name, moron!)
    
    _______________________________      ________________________________
    Mother's Signature                   Father's Signature
    
    _______________________________      ________________________________
    Pastor/Priest/Rabbi                  State Representative/Congressman
    
    Thank you for your interest, and it had better be genuine and
    non-sexual. Please allow four to six years for processing.
    
    You will be contacted in writing if you are approved.  Please do
    not try to call or write (since you probably can't, and it would
    cause you injury). If your application is rejected, you will be
    notified by two gentleman wearing white ties carrying violin cases.
    (you might watch your back)

    To prepare yourself, start studying Daddy’s Rules for Dating.

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